Starving For Truth
by Hopeless Romantics
Summary: Maruader's Era James and Lily accidently get locked in a closet, and can't get out. They decide to play a game of Truth to pass the time. Secrets will be revealed, walls will be broken down, and of course, a row or six will occur.
1. Unexpected LockIn

Starving For Truth

Lily Juliet Evans, was not a happy girl, at the moment. She was Head Girl. It should have been an honor. But it wasn't, as she was stuck with her Head Boy as none other than James Potter. They were currently patrolling the corridors, doing a final sweep of students for the evening, before returning to go to bed themselves. Her Head Girl badge flashed importantly on her chest, her long red locks hanging very neatly, cascading down to somewhere near her elbows.

"I still don't see how I got stuck with you." she muttered, glaring out of the corners of those startlingly green eyes. "I mean, honestly James." she said with a shake of her head. "You're the epitome of what a Head Boy _shouldn't_ be. Let's face it." Said girl rolled her bespectacled eyes.

"C'mon Evans, I'm not _that_ bad." James retorted. "You're just stiff. You need to loosen up and have a bit more fun." he added smirking.

"Loosening up is for immature boys who shouldn't be Head Boy to my Head Girl." she retorted coolly, only to be startled as James dashed off from her side, running to the nearest broom closet. "I'm not coming out until you agree to go out with me!" he declared, before closing himself in. Lily sighed and let out a small groan.

She walked to the door, opening it. "You truly have convinced me of your immaturity on whole new level, James Po--" She was cut off by her free hand being grabbed and yanked, causing her to stumble and fall into the closet, the door slamming shut behind her. A string of swears escaped her lips as she scrambled to get out of a rather...hem... interesting... position with Mr. Potter. "I hate you!" she hissed into the darkness.

James couldn't help but grin. This was such a Potter thing to do, pulling Lily into a broom closet. He wasn't exactly sure _why_ he had done it. To be honest, he wasn't exactly sure why he did anything that he did around Lily. He had adopted the "arrogant big-head" attitude back in his 2nd year, and it simply hadn't worn off since. Well now that wasn't quite true, it did wear off, and quite often at that, just not when anyone was around. As James saw it, he had to live up to his Marauder standard. He _had _to be selfish and boastful, he _had_ to play tricks and torment others, because as most people saw it, that _was_ James Potter.

Putting back on the façade of the ego enhanced James Potter; James leaned up against a wall in the dark broom closet, smirk growing wide.

"So…what do you say Evans?" He asked casually, acting cool despite the fact that it was extremely dark in the closet, to the point where Lily could not see him anyways.

Lily scowled into the darkness. "Never. I'd date Severus Snape before I'd date you." she said harshly, venom lacing her words. But just as the girl went to get up, there was a click, as well as a familiar gruff voice crooning to his cat. James wouldn't have been able to tell, but Lily paled considerably. Filch had just locked them in. Falling silent, the girl waited until he was gone, before going and desperately tugging on the door.

Locked.

She reached for her wand, and hurriedly uttered a series of almost frantic 'alohamora's before giving up and sulking back to her respective wall -- as far away from James as was possible.

"Fantastic." she growled. "We're stuck in here until he unlocks the bloody closet. Brilliant job, Potter."

James' smile wore off considerably. He pushed himself off the wall, taking only a step and a half before he reached the door, and tried 'alohamora' for himself. That was how James was, or at least how he appeared to be, never believing anything unless he himself declared it true. When the spell didn't work, he turned slowly towards where Lily was, and didn't need to see her to know that she was livid.

"Sorry…I…I didn't know that would happen…" He murmured. He had been caught off guard and had no quick, or witty reply.

"Yes, well you don't think about a lot of things, Potter. And sorry doesn't change the fact it's happened."

Indeed. She _was_ livid. She certainly didn't want to spend hours in this bloody closet with James. She didn't want to spend five minutes with him, much less potentially until morning, if not later.

She sighed, eyes narrowed. "If you try anything, anything at all, I swear to Merlin you won't ever have children, Potter." she said in a low, eerily calm voice.

James instinctively covered himself in defense.

"I won't…" He trailed off quietly. Realizing that they were still in the dark, James did the first smart thing of the evening and whispered "Lumos," causing the little broom closet to illuminate greatly.

The broom closet was quite small; there was hardly room for the both of them. Lily had managed to squeeze herself into one small corner of the broom closet that was opposite from James, making it quite apparent that she wanted nothing to do with him. James nodded, as if she had said that out loud, and sat down on a bucket of Magical mess remover.

Lily held her ground for a good amount of time, either not looking at him at all or simply glaring at James. Her looks said what her lips weren't. 'I blame you entirely for this, you great git'. Sighing heavily from her corner to vocalize her discontentment a bit, Lily continued to sulk, until finally she cleared her throat. "You do realize that if you weren't such an immature moron, we wouldn't be stuck in this bloody closet, don't you?" Her words were like venom. She was _not_ pleased.

Lily had been holding her ground for quite some time, and in that time, James sat thinking. He admitted to himself that this was his fault, there was no denying that. But he started to feel the way he felt when he was alone, and no one was around to make him be the show off James that he normally was. Lily's words hurt him, yes it was his fault, and he knew that, but did she have to keep reminding him?

The only response he could think of was quite simple.

"I'm sorry."

He said it in a soft tone, to show that he really meant it. 'I doubt an apology coming from me means anything to her.' he thought to himself.

Lily was taken aback. She'd had a snide remark all set up to throw back at him to amuse herself, but he was sorry. Genuinely so. That much was obvious. She opened her mouth, before closing it again. It wasn't often Lily J. Evans was at a loss for words, but this was one of those times. Falling silent and pulling her knees more tightly to her chest, she took a moment to regroup. There was only one response she could come up with. "Its alright." she said it, although she sounded unsure of herself. What sort of trickery was he trying to pull now? "Well. It's not alright. But thank you for apologizing." she corrected.

James nodded in response. A part of James couldn't help but think that maybe they were meant to be locked in this closet; maybe this was his one chance. They were after all in their seventh year now. At the end of this year, James would be saying goodbye to Hogwarts and goodbye to most people in it. He didn't want to have to say goodbye to Lily. I guess you could say that this was the moment when James decided to show Lily that he wasn't all about pranks and running around with the Marauders, that there was this side of him that he only wished she could see.

A few moments passed before the idea came to him that it was stupid for them to sit here in silence until morning, they might as well have conversation.

"So…" James said, letting the "so" linger in the air for a moment, "Lily…why do you hate me?"

He hadn't really meant to say it, but it was the first thing that came to his mind. It was something he could have answered himself, but now he was curious to hear her side of it.

"Well, that's simple." she started matter-of-factly. "Because..." she trailed off. Perhaps it wasn't so simple. Lily went quiet again, pondering. "Well, because you're horribly immature. You're mean to everyone around you just to look cool and powerful. You bully others to make yourself feel better. You're beyond arrogant, and haven't a lick of empathy towards others. You're mean, self-centered, and seem to be convinced the world revolves around you. You've chased after me for years because I'm the one girl in the school you _can't_ have, and you've completely scared off any possible school romance I ever had a chance of having. In short, Mr. Potter, you are a complete and utter scoundrel." Feeling she'd hit most of her points and sufficiently vented, she locked those unnerving eyes upon him to watch his reaction. This would be interesting.

James' heart stung. He didn't show it from the outside though; he simply sat there, staring off. He waited a moment before answering.

"You're right." He said without breaking his gaze. She was right, it was horrible admitting it, but it was true. He then turned his gaze onto her, and looked straight into those vibrant green eyes.

"You're absolutely right."

Once again, he shocked her. What the devil was going on here?! "If this is some sort of trick, Potter..." she warned, eyeing him suspiciously. But, as she caught his eyes and peered in, she felt herself soften a bit. Perhaps he was telling the truth? Maybe he wasn't as bad as all that?

What the hell was she thinking?

Keeping her guard up, she eyed him carefully. "Of course I'm right." she said. "Funny time to start agreeing with me, though. I've only been saying it since the moment I met you."

James shrugged and stared at his shoes. Maybe he should change the subject, maybe Lily didn't want to see "the real him." Maybe he should finally move on. That last one was impossible though, so he decided against it. There was something about being stuck in a closet with Lily, which was different from being with her say, in the Common Room, or patrolling the halls. It was more private. No one could barge in on them; he didn't have to put on a show for Sirius and the boys. Lily had obviously built up a very strong guard against him, one that he doubted he could easily break, which was why he now retreated back into silence and waited for her to bring around a conversation.

The girl watched him retreat into his quiet again and frowned a bit. Somehow, she felt badly about this. What if he genuinely was trying to change? Maybe he wasn't as bad as she'd always thought? Maybe he really just needed to be given a proper chance? Maybe. Then again, maybe not.

She brooded over her options for at least three long, silent minutes, before deciding she was stuck for at least twelve hours, and he had apologized to her. Perhaps she'd at least listen to him.

"So. Why now for the sudden revelation, Potter? Why do you suddenly want to admit your many faults?" she inquired, raising a brow.

"Why not? Would you rather me carry on acting like a giant prat?" He asked with a sincere look in his eye. He was starting to feel that she might not believe him, that she'd think it was all some big joke that he was starting. This is what he hated about himself; no one could take him seriously. He was the boy who cried wolf.

Truth be told, she didn't. She didn't believe a word out of his mouth. Well, not fully, at any rate. "I'm pleased you've suddenly seen the error in your ways, Potter, but honestly, take a look at it from my shoes. Suddenly, a boy who has proven completely untrustworthy for your entire school career, gets stuck in a broom closet with you before seeing the light." she raised a brow. "You can't tell me you wouldn't be skeptical too."

"Yeah I guess." James said nodding in agreement. "So now I guess it's up to you to believe me or not." He added. What if Lily ended up not believing him? And ended up hating him throughout the year, and then he lost her for good? Lily had become more than a simple crush for James; he sincerely thought he might be in love. He would give anything to call those startling emerald eyes and vibrant red hair his own, and he would destroy anything that would try to harm her, despite whether she would approve of that or not. Sirius often laughed a James for being so head over heels with Lily. He called him whipped and told him that he'd snap out of it sooner or later.

James started to wonder what time it was, if this attempt to turn over a new leaf for Lily was futile, then he would have a long time in this closet trying to persuade her.

"Well, I don't. Just so you know." she said firmly, shifting and trying to get herself more comfortable. People always talked about doing rather devilish things in these bloody closets. She had to wonder if there was some secret way to make it more comfortable. She'd figure that out later. Lily tossed her head to get a few alarmingly red locks from her face, before looking to the boy across from her.

"Well, Mr. Potter. Any brilliant ideas about how we should pass the next, oh, twelveish hours? I don't think sleeping is an option in this awful place."

James thought for a moment. He decided that the mood was a bit heavy to continue on the conversation of James being sincere, but there were many answers he wanted to get out of Lily, so the idea occurred to him.

"Why don't we play the game of Truth?" He asked, and he couldn't help let a small grin spread across his face, except it wasn't the "James Potter the Great," grin, in fact it was more of a genuine smile.


	2. The Game Of Truth

"I haven't played that since I was... oh... ten..." Lily mused aloud, before shrugging. "Alright. Basic rules. Nothing exceedingly vulgar or any of that." She stretched and yawned lightly, running a hand through her hair and beginning to play with a bit of it. "You may start, if you like, as you suggested it."

"Alright," James said, deciding to start out with small answers and work up to the greater ones later on, "I always here you talk about how you hate your sister Petunia, but I never hear why. So, why do you hate her?"

"It's mostly because she hates me. She's very jealous that I'm a witch, and tends to blame everything that goes wrong on me. Admittedly, some things I am to blame for, but most of the time I'm just a good scapegoat. It wears on you after a while." she trailed off, thoughtful, before realizing she needed a question of her own. "Were you home schooled as a child, or sent to a muggle school?"

"Home schooled. My parents are pure-blood, so they didn't really see why I needed to go to a Muggle school seeing as I'd be attending Hogwarts eventually." James said thinking of a question. "How did you take it when you got your letter? Were you surprised?"

"Shocked. I was pretty convinced I was dreaming for the first few weeks. Mum and dad were _thrilled _and relieved, as I did all sorts of strange things as a little girl, and _they'd_ been sort of considering talking to a priest about it. Thought I was possessed. I was happy when it finally sank in, though. But I was worried I'd be the only kid at Hogwarts that didn't know what she was doing and they'd kick me out or something... How did you and Black meet?"

James smiled thinking of the meeting of him and his best friend Sirius. "Well, I don't know if you remember or not, but back in my first year I was rather...scrawny," James paused here seeing if Lily would laugh, when she didn't he continued. "One day some older blokes were making fun of me, calling me a stupid first year and betting that I couldn't do any magic. Just then Sirius comes around and tells them to bugger off, then they started going at him. Sirius comes from a...err...darker kind of family, and somewhere he picked up how to do a bat boogey hex. Needless to say we were both put in detention that day and have been best friends ever since." He finished smiling.

"Fitting." she said, raising a brow. She had since settled herself by sitting on an upturned bucket, placing her elbows on her knees and resting her chin on her hands. Somehow, the girl managed to pull off an elegant air even in these surroundings. Lily was exceptionally good at that. "Well? I'm waiting for my question."

"Oh…right." James said pondering a moment. Questions began racing through his head, but none of them were appropriate for the moment, or they were too lame. He finally decided on one. It was something he had been burning to ask her ever since he had noticed a strange connection between her and one of his best friends.

"Do you…err…do you fancy Remus?" There was no real other way to put it. Lily often referred to Remus as "one of the only _real_ people at Hogwarts," whatever that meant. If she fancied him, James didn't know what he would do. Remus was one of his best friends, but Lily was…well Lily was Lily.

Lily raised a brow. "Well, this is a truth game, so to put it honestly: Sort of. I liked him a lot for a very long time, and I suppose I still fancy him to some degree. He's smart, witty, can make me laugh, and is quite possibly the only tolerable male in the school." she shrugged. She purposely conveniently forgot about her and Remus' secret love affair from her Sixth Year. "He's a nice boy, and I even considered the fact that we'd make a good couple for a while, but he's far too attached to you to ever have an inkling of liking for me as more than a friend." The truth. Well. Most of it, at any rate.

"Oh…" James said quietly. She "still fancied him to some degree." That meant there was something there still. James felt his stomach turn slightly and his heart drop. How could he ever measure up to Remus? He couldn't. A small bout of anger rose up inside of him,

but he didn't let it out. Something about being stuck in a closet with Lily told him not to get angry, no matter what the answers to her questions ended up being.

"It's your turn." He said in a low, dry tone. He hoped he hadn't sounded angry, or sad. He wanted Lily to see a different side of him, but not a wimpy different side.

"Are you cross with Remus now?" Lily asked, as if reading his thoughts. She knew the answer already. She just wanted to see if he'd actually tell the truth. He'd be _furious _she thought. Or at the very least hurt. She was extremely curious to see just how truthfully this game might be played by a boy she'd known only to lie.

James almost said no. But then he though "why? Why lie?" There was no reason to lie to Lily, so he didn't.

"Not…cross. More like…" He dreaded the word he was about to use, but it was the only word he could think of to describe it, "jealous." he finished. He then glanced up at Lily as if to see her break out in laughter at him and call him a stupid pansy.

Lily didn't laugh. In fact, she looked mildly impressed. Interesting. Very interesting. Perhaps there was more to this Potter boy than previously assumed. At the very least, he certainly was a good actor. "Good answer." she said, twirling a scarlet lock around her finger, awaiting a question of her own.

James wasn't even thinking about the question he was going to ask, when he asked it, it just sort of came out. It seemed like the right thing to say at this type of moment.

"Lily, have you _ever_ even considered giving me a chance?"

All barriers had been broken down. He had no defense here. The moment he said it he knew that he had set himself up for a letdown and heartbreak. He now desperately wanted to get out of this closet.

"Not particularly." she said simply. "If you hadn't noticed, you hadn't made yourself out to be a very good candidate for me to put my affections towards. Though, I must admit," she said, looking at him seriously. "If you were always as truthful and level-headed as you're acting at the moment, my answer may have been different." She tossed a bit of hair over her shoulder. "Have you ever considered trying methods other than showing off and stalking to gain my attention?"

"Yes." he responded. "Especially since tonight." he fiddled with a lose thread on his shirt. "Listen, Lily, I may have not put those methods into action…but I've definitely thought about them. I really have. I've thought about sitting down and having a conversation with you, rather then demanding that you let me take you out. I've thought about bringing you flowers rather than showing off by doing hard hexes in front of you. I've thought about calling you Lily, rather than Evans. And tonight now I have, so that's one step closer. I've thought about so many things Lily. There's so many things that I've wanted to do for you, or say to you, but I just have never been…well…I've been too much of a prat to say them." He realized that he was now ranting. "And now I'm digging my own grave here, so I think I'll stop and shut up for once."

Lily took a deep breath, her normally icy gaze melting and softening a bit. "James," she said softly. "I think that's both the sweetest and most intelligent thing I've ever heard you say." She tilted her head slightly, as if trying to get a proper look at him. Could Remus be getting Potter points by means of a Polyjuice Potion? No. One, Remus wouldn't agree to it, and two, Remus wouldn't willingly get himself stuck in a broom closet. No, it had to be Potter. She straightened, however, when she caught her body language. Wrong signal. Clearing her throat a bit, she tossed her hair over her shoulder again. "You keep forgetting my questions." she stated.

James grinned sheepishly. She had complimented him, which was always a good sign. Now what was he to ask her? After that moment of intensity, he couldn't think of what to say.


	3. A Decision

"So are you thinking of me as more than the bigheaded James Potter?" He asked with a small smile.

"Not with that attitude." she replied simply. "But I do confess that perhaps you're more multifaceted that I previously thought." She hated admitting that. OH how she hated it. But it was the truth, and once again, this was a truth game, was it not? Thinking swiftly, she decided she needed to get off this subject before he became a little too comfortable in their close quarters. "So... what are your parents like?" she inquired. "I always wondered what wizarding parents would be like."

James shrugged. "My mom worries a bit too much, but what mother doesn't? My dad…well he's great. We have a lot of that 'father son bonding time.' They're both pretty nice and levelheaded." He stated. "What about yours?" He asked. The entire time thinking of the fact that she noticed that there was a change in him.

She shrugged. "My mum was pretty overbearing when I was little and pranced me and my sister around like windup dolls. She's a nice woman though; goodhearted. I love her to pieces, and she's lightened up a lot, although I still don't think she appreciates me not being a ballerina." A flash of emotion went nearly unnoticeable through her eyes when she thought of her next statement. "My father was my best friend, and tried to make mum ease up on Petunia and I... he died when I was fifteen." She looked thoughtful for a moment. "You're an only child, aren't you? Do you ever wish you had siblings?"

James decided not to ask her about her father. He hadn't known about her father dying, but he could tell it was a soft subject.

"I did a lot when I was little. We live kind of out in a rural area, so we don't really have any neighbors. And the ones we do have don't have kids. So I never really had someone to play with when I was a kid. Though now that Sirius stays at my place, it never gets boring. I suppose he's become like a sibling to me. Do you ever wish you _didn't_ have a sibling?" James added at the end of his response. He knew that the answer was probably a yes, but he was running out of things to say.

"Never." Lily replied. "Petunia may get on my nerves a lot, and she's mean to me for no reason. She claims to hate me and is always calling me names at home and informing me that she hates me and the world would be a better place if I weren't in it." Lily smiled and let out a small laugh. "But she's my sister. We're supposed to detest each other and fight constantly. I figure after about twenty-five, she'll see the error of her ways and we'll be friends again." She shrugged. "You reckon you'll be friends with Sirius, Remus, and Peter after we all graduate?"

"Yes. I do actually." James said with a happy smile. "I know everyone thinks that they'll stay friends with whomever their friends with for years to come, but I truly think I will stick with these guys. I know you hate the term, but after all, we are the marauders." He hesitated before saying what he was about to, but they _were_ playing the game of truth, and he doubted Lily would tell anyone. "The only person I have doubts about is Peter. I just have this gut feeling that he won't stick around." he said with a small sadness in his eye. Peter may be annoying at times, but he was still apart of their gang. "But hey he might run off with some beautiful woman and have loads of children." He added with a laugh.

"When do you reckon Filch will unlock this closet?" He asked for his question.

Lily raised a delicate brow. "Sick of me already? I really should have tried this years ago, apparently." she covered a yawn with her hand. "I don't know. Unless he realizes something needs immediate cleaning in the general area, he probably wont unlock it until morning." She shifted, leaning against the nearest wall, getting herself comfortable. "What do you plan to do after you graduate?"

"I dunno. I've got a lot of things I'd like to do. One of them is to be an auror." He said glancing towards the ground. Lily might think it would be stupid of him to dream of being an auror. "Oh…and about me being sick of you. Not at all. In fact, I was just wondering how much more time we'd have to spend together. I like this…you know, the whole not fighting aspect of it all." He said grinning. "What do _you_ want to do after you graduate?" He asked.

"I want to be a Healer. Do some actual healing at St. Mungo's for a while, and then go into studying medicines and such. I'd really like to find cures for things, I think." she sighed. "I think I want to work with children while I'm actually healing, too. I don't plan on having any of my own, but I really do love little ones." she looked a bit wistful, but it almost instantly disappeared. "Why an auror?" she inquired.

James shrugged. "I guess it just seems…I don't know, noble? It seems like the right thing for me to do. My dad keeps going on about how I don't even need to work since I'll be inheriting his fortune one day, but I really would like to work and make a living for myself. Stand on my own two feet you know?" He then lingered on Lily's comment about working with children. "You'd be a good mom." He stated. Even though that wasn't a question, he still thought he should say it.

"Nayh." she replied. "I'd never give my child the time of day... I worry about the big picture, not the little details. I'd want to be helping the masses instead of paying attention to my own little one. Besides, I don't see myself ever getting married. I don't think anyone, not even you, Mr. Stalker, would be able to put up with me full-time for more than a year."

"I dunno." James replied. He of course would love to marry Lily, he often thought about marrying Lily. "I definitely want to have a wife and children someday. I like the idea of providing for someone, and spending the rest of my life with someone I'm in love with…" His eyes weren't really focused on anything in particular; he was in a sort of a daze. "I think you'll get married, even though you don't think so now." James said, "I think you'll get married, and make some lucky guy feel amazing about himself. Then you'll have a child and be an amazing mother." As James said this, he pictured himself and Lily getting married and raising a child, that much though, would be kept in his head.

"Clearly you believe in love," she observed. "I, on the other hand, don't. I think it's a bit like Divination. Some people claim to be able to See, and others go along with it, although you'll never know if it's real or not. Love's like that. People say they're in love all the time, before breaking up and hating each other. I think that, were love to exist, it would be like some rope that bound two people to each other. But, as I've never seen an example of this, I can't say I believe in it. No proof."

"Well…I think that's because you've never _been_ in love." James said. He realized he was skimming the edge of a row, but he thought that this was something important. He glanced up at Lily. Those beautiful green eyes, elegant red hair, soft looking peach lips. How could she deny that there was such a thing as love?

"And you have?" she said, looking at him skeptically. "Honestly, James, if you say you're in love with me, I'm going to laugh. You hardly know me. You think you know everything there is to know, but in reality, you know about as much about me as the rest of the school does, despite all your following and nagging."

"I…I don't think you have to know everything about a person before you can say that you love them." James said gulping before he went on, "I think that that's part of what love is…wanting to spend time with that person so that you _can_ find out everything about them." He finished. He could feel his face grow hot, and his stomach felt as if butterflies now inhabited it. His expression was one of sincere longing, and a look of hope filled his eyes.

Lily let out a little burst of laughter. "Why, James Potter. Are you blushing? Because that's certainly what it looks like from right here." Her laughter faded when she noted the look in his eyes though. Looking more serious, she watched him. "You really do like me, don't you?" she asked, voice considerably more quiet that it had been just moments before.

Ignoring the fact that she had just laughed at him, he instead looked up at her, staring directly into her eyes, and said,

"Yeah…yeah I do. And I have, for a long time Lily. I really have." It was out there. He had expressed how he felt without doing it in some idiotic way. All it took was a broom closet, and some time alone with her. He didn't feel embarrassed anymore, but instead felt a sense of fear take over. Lily didn't love him the way he loved her, and he knew that. He now realized that this effort to prove to her that he was no longer the James Potter he used to be, had been futile, because even now that he had let out what he felt about her, he was still no steps closer to actually being with her. He held her gaze with his, eyes locked, not daring to move as he waited for a response.

Lily watched him. Now she felt bad... horribly so. "James, I'm sorry..." she looked genuine, her own ice shell melting for the first time all night."I don't know what to say. I think you're telling the truth, and if you are, I'm sorry, but I just don't feel the same." Her logic began kicking in. "I just don't think our personalities will click. You'll get bored with me..."

As she trailed off, James knew what he was going to do. There was no thinking about it involved.


	4. Getting Serious

He moved over and sat down on a bucket that was closer to her, never breaking eye contact. His hand brushed lightly down her cheekbone, and along her jaw. He had never been this close to her. He now noticed small things about her that he never had before, like how she had small flecks of yellow in her eyes, and tiny freckles dashed across her nose and her cheeks. These things only enhanced her beauty in James' eyes. Both hands now held her delicate face, his fingers meeting in the back of her hair. With every time she blinked the urge inside him grew stronger, and there was no doubting in his mind now. There was no turning back.

He then closed his eyes and tilted his head, leaning in to gently brush his lips with hers. His kiss was full of passion, but somehow it remained gentle and innocent. His kiss held no demands, but more of a loving plead. Her lips were just as soft as he had imagined them, if not more. He then slowly stopped, and opened his eyes. He stroked her hair, fingers running through the silky mane of red. Now all he could do was wait, wait for her to yell, wait for her to scream, he was even prepared for her to slap him. But even if she did all those things, he would still know in his heart that he gave it his best shot. If she rejected him, he would accept it and let her continue living with this night as only a memory. But even if she rejected him, and they left this closet as one angry, and one hurt, he would still have a place for her in his heart, a place where she would always be welcomed. He then looked back into her eyes, and whispered,

"I could never get bored with you."

Lily could see what he was doing, and she wasn't sure why she didn't stop him. Maybe it was the fact he seemed so genuine. Maybe it was the deep ache she'd seen when she even hinted at full rejection, at them never being a pair. She felt his hands on her face and in her hair somehow, but it was like she was powerless to stop it. One half of her head was screaming at her to slap him and hit him and scream, while the other held her back. Was she curious? Was she pitying him? She didn't know. His unfamiliar touch sent shivers down her spine, callused fingertips making her heart pound and toes curl in her shoes. A moment later, she felt his lips upon hers.

Her head spun.

She almost instinctively closed her eyes after a moment, a touch too stunned to to much else. The young woman could feel the heat in her cheeks, splashing them with a red that nearly matched her hair. She went a bit limp, and could have sworn she was floating. It seemed to last only a moment and eternity all at once, and sparks flew through Lily's mind. Merlin.

She felt him pull away, hands still tangled in her hair. She opened her eyes, intense gaze locking upon him. Lily could feel herself trembling a bit, the blush still in her cheeks, heart trying to leap from her chest. The girl realized she wasn't breathing and inhaled deeply, gulping a bit. Hell's bells, she certainly hadn't prepared herself for that. Her lips parted a bit as if she were about to say something in shock or anger, but no words came out. She wasn't sure what had just happened, but her voice didn't seem to want to cooperate. Lily limply raised a hand, as if to slap him, but promptly dropped it. She couldn't.

"What in the seven Hells." she uttered, staring at him, obviously quite bewildered that she'd suddenly lost most of her motor functions and couldn't seem to tear her eyes away from him.

"I'm sorry…I probably shouldn't have…" James said now realizing that this was probably a mistake. He got up and went to the door, as if it would open for him. He knew it wouldn't. He set his hand on the doorknob, and rested his forehead on the door itself. After a moment he turned around and leaned on the door, staring at Lily.

She watched him, and very nearly reached out to grab his hand, but didn't. Her mind was a war-zone all of the sudden. Her logical side, which generally won, was yelling at her about what a dreadful boy he was and how his behavior was currently going against everything she'd ever come to expect of him. On the other hand, her emotional side was at least stalemating her logic. That kiss had been special, somehow, and Lily knew it. It had been like being hit or kicked in the chest. She found herself faintly wanting to reach out and place her arms around him and bury her face into the crook of his neck. At the same time, she wanted to slap herself for even thinking something like that.

"No...it's... alright..." she managed to get out, taking her eyes off of him and choosing to, instead, look at her feet and focus on controlling her blush.

"No…It wasn't." James heaved himself off the door, "This is exactly the kind of thing you hate about me. My bloody impulses. I only did that because…well...because it seemed right. It's what I'm good at isn't it? Making a mess out of everything…yeah, that's my skill." James said venting. He then looked at her; she looked baffled, with her hair askew. "And look…" he said gently taking a step towards her, "I've messed up your hair too." He took a hand and brushed down the red locks that were out of place.

The look on his face was one of a hurt puppy dog, with his forehead wrinkled and eyebrows crooked in a manner that suggested someone had just broken his favorite possession.

Feeling stupid he stood there. He may not have been embarrassed right after the kiss, but it was slowly growing on him now. He had just kissed Lily Evans, the girl who loathed him, in a broom closet. She was bound to hate him forever. He completely ignored the fact that she had said that it was alright, and he was still waiting for her to slap him at any moment.

She felt her heart flutter at his touch. Lily J. Evans was a strange creature when it came to emotions. She hated them. All of them. Emotions caused her to look imperfect which, in her opinion, wasn't an option. She'd grown up expected to be perfect, and that's how she'd gained her respect and power at school. People looked up to her. She felt needed. And that was important to her. Therefore, when emotions became too strong for her to simply lock away, she wasn't a terribly happy girl.

"James. Shut up." she said simply at his babblings of 'I'm sorry' and 'this is why you hate me'. Well. He was right. She looked contemplative, before her emotional side, for one of the first times in her life, beat out logic. She grabbed his collar, pulling him down to her level again, as if to yell or inflict physical damage upon the boy. She removed his glasses, putting them down beside her, and looked into his eyes. She looked ready to scream or yell or break his neck. Instead, however, Lily did something that would have caused most people in the school to have a heart attack. She kissed James.


	5. Logic Wins Again

James was absolutely stunned.

When she had pulled him down by his collar, he was certain that she was going to hurt him, and he thought that taking off his glasses was a simple courtesy so that they would not get smashed. But when she kissed him, he was taken completely by surprise. It took him a moment to understand and comprehend what was happening. But when he finally realized that this was for real, he wasted no time to kiss her back.

This kiss was even more amazing then the first, because there was a passion coming from the other end this time. There were no thoughts racing through his mind, as one might think. In fact, this moment was a moment of complete clarity for him. His brain was completely clear of all doubt, fear, sadness, and any other horrible emotion that he had felt in his Closet stay. James felt sparks, oh yes he felt sparks. He now understood what that meant, to feel sparks when kissing someone. The touch of her hands on his neck sent shivers down his spine, then back up again. James had kissed girls in the past, but it was never like this. This kiss was special, this kiss was different. This kiss was Lily.

James was not prepared for Lily to stop; he didn't want her to stop. But when she did, his face fell forward and landed on her chest near her collar bone. He lay there, with her arms still wrapped around his neck, in complete happiness. For the first time in a long time, he felt loved. Later that evening and into the morning, he would note that Lily did not love him yet, but she cared for him. But in this moment he felt more love then he ever remembered feeling, in this moment he felt alive.

He felt the urge to protect and cover Lily, to make her feel just as safe and loved as he now felt. He stood up to his full height and wrapped his arms around Lily's waist. Glancing down at her, he kissed her forehead and brushed a loose strand of hair from her eyes. He then rested his chin on the top of her head, and stood thinking. How could this be real? It was so…perfect.

"I'm waiting to wake up…" James said quietly. If this was a dream, it was one that he never wanted to wake from.

Lily paused, before somewhat awkwardly wrapping her arms around his torso to hold him close. "Well, unless both of us are somehow dreaming the same thing, I think you're safe." she said, sounding matter-of-fact as she always did. Would James really have her any other way? Wait. Would James have her? What was she thinking? She really wasn't sure anymore. Somehow, however, she felt as if someone had put magnets into the two of them and she simply couldn't keep away. Perhaps it was the thrill of it all? Yes. She'd go with that.

"What's all this mean, James?" she inquired suddenly. "I must confess I'm extremely confused at the moment."

James sighed, "I don't know what it means for you Lily." He said taking one hand and stroking her hair with it, "And its okay for you to be confused…I'll still be here whenever you figure everything out."  
This was true; he could feel it inside him. He would be there, he would be there as long as he needed to be and longer. Being an idiot and pulling her into a broom closet was turning out to be the best decision he ever made.

"Quit sounding so damned high and mighty and like you've got this all figured out." she said bitterly. "You're not making me feel better about any of this." She sounded snarly, but she didn't move from her place against him. It was something of a comfort, she supposed, that he said he'd be there for her. Still. She didn't like the idea that he might have it all figured out and yet she remained in the dark.

Lily didn't _want_ to like him. She didn't want to feel drawn to him like she did at the moment, and she wanted to hit him and kiss him again all at once for ever pressing his lips to hers in the first place and getting her into this mess. The great git.

James decided to stay quiet. Silence is probably what she needed now. There must be a million things going through her mind, and James felt that if he continued talking that he would be pressing his luck, if not completely squashing it. So instead of words, he held her a little tighter, as if to say that he was serious, and that he _would_ be there.

The thought that they would leave this closet exactly the way they went in, made James feel sick. He hoped, and prayed that this would turn around in his favor, that she would end up falling for him just as he had for her. If not, then he didn't know what he'd do with himself.

"I hate you," she mumbled, burying her face into his chest. She was saying it more to try and convince herself than anything, and it was exceedingly obvious that there was not venom left in the words when she spat them at him. She wanted to hurt him and stroke his hair all at once, and frankly, it was annoying the magic out of her. Lily didn't enjoy being confused and not having the answers to things. Therefore, it was more the situation she hated, not James. It certainly didn't stop her from voicing her emotions towards him anyway, though.

She took a few deep breaths, calming herself. Her heart began to slow down, and she started to relax. James was terribly warm and comforting, she thought, although she hated herself for thinking it.

James couldn't help but smile.

"I know." He responded to her, 'I hate you' She was obviously battling this, trying her might, but it comforted James to know that she wasn't breaking free from his hold on her. She wasn't yelling. She wasn't doing anything of the sort, but instead she has her head buried into his chest, which made him feel that this wasn't worthless after all.

She pulled herself away from him, sighing heavily. "This isn't going to work, James." she said, rather out of the blue. She stared at the floor, running a hand through her hair. Lily played with her hair when nervous or upset. It helped her cope, somehow. She felt a little jab at her heart.

Logic was winning again.

"We're too different. You can't see it, but I can." Lily didn't look at him. "You don't know me, and if you did, you wouldn't like me anymore." she sighed. She needed to do this now, before this progressed any more. It had already gone too far. She shouldn't have kissed him back. She should have yelled and hit him and told him to leave her alone. Mentally cursing herself, she added an "I'm sorry," to the mix, before falling silent.

James couldn't stay silent any longer.

"Lily, you know that there's something here. So why do you keep denying it?"

He said, his voice growing louder, but not in a way to where it would make her scared. "Yeah, we are different. But that's what would make this so special. Two people who are exactly the same can't possibly keep a relationship happening, they'd grow bored with each other. But us…we're different. There will always be something new about us, always something exciting. So why won't you put aside your damn logic and give this a try?" He sat down, he felt his knees grow week beneath him. He sighed heavily before continuing, "Lily, I know you want this. I know you felt something in that kiss…how could you not?" With this question he was done.

He now knew that there was something there, something in her wanting, needing to break free. All he had to do was bring it out.


	6. Drifting Off

She folded her arms tightly over her chest. "I didn't feel anything." she said sharply. Lies. Unfortunately for James, Lily was a good liar. "I didn't feel a thing in that kiss, other than your lips on mine. And I don't want this. I never have and never will." Lies, lies, and more lies. Lily hated the way she felt about it. It hurt, and yet she couldn't seem to stop inflicting pain upon herself. It was like some sick emotional suicide.

"I don't know why I led you on this far, and I'm sorry, but this wont work. I'm sorry, James." she repeated. She did feel bad. Horrible, in fact. She couldn't describe why she was doing this, other than that she was afraid. She was terrified of the feelings her arch-enemy was inspiring. She was scared of what it all might mean.

'She's lying. She has to be lying.' James thought, but her words still hurt him. In fact it felt more like she had ripped out his heart, stomped on it, then it in an ice box to freeze. Well whether she was lying or not, there was not much else James could do. He had given his best attempt, and maybe it just wasn't good enough.

"Well, if you find a change of heart, you know where to find me." And with that he concentrated on his shoes.

Lily glanced up at him for a moment, before looking back down; folding her arms over her chest so tightly that is was painful. One evening in a broom closet, one or two kisses, wasn't going to sway her. She wouldn't allow that. It wouldn't be right, would it? Somewhere inside, she felt the inspiration to start crying. She wasn't sure why. She wasn't sure why she'd kissed him, nor why she wanted to cry, nor why she was inflicting so much emotional pain upon herself. Perhaps she was just somehow sadistic, and didn't want to allow herself to be roped into his affections. Maybe she was just lonely at the moment and wanted someone, anyone, to hold her. Even Potter. But she quickly reminded herself it was Potter in question at the moment, and focused on everything bad he'd done over the years, from tormenting Severus to hexing innocent standers-by in her general proximity.

"I wont." she said quietly and coldly at his last comment. She sounded like someone who'd just lost someone very dear. That numb, cold, absent voice.

James felt the coldness of her voice. He felt it go up his spine and seep throughout the rest of his body. He refused to look up at her, refused to see a look of stone upon her face that was most likely there. He couldn't take another ounce of heartbreak, especially after what had just happened. He felt as if she had put him on a tether, pulling him closer and closer only to let him go the moment he reached her.

He reached over and retrieved his glasses from where she had set them, and put them on. He hoped that Filch would come along soon and open the bloody door, so that James could skip breakfast and crawl into his bed and lay there for the rest of eternity.

Unbeknownst to the girl, she and James were sharing the exact same thoughts. She wanted out of this wretched closet this moment, and she wanted to go to bed and stay there for the next several days. She willed Filch to get up there, to find them. She wanted one of the other girls in the tower to realize she was missing and call the teachers to go find her. For the first time in her life, Lily wanted to get away from Hogwarts, just so she'd be away from James. Not so much because she hated him; because now, suddenly, if she so much as thought about that electric sensation his kiss had caused, or even how his glasses had felt in her fingers as she removed them, she felt a cold stab in her chest.

The teen focused on feeling hate and thinking bad things. "I'm going to sleep." she announced in a voice not much louder than a whisper, leaning against the nearest wall and closing her eyes, arms still firmly crossed over her chest.

James doubted she'd be able to sleep, he knew he couldn't. He took his wand from the spot where he had set it, light still shining brightly from the tip, and murmured "Nox," and they were left in darkness. As much as he was hurting inside from her comments, a small fire still burned in a part of him from the electricity of that kiss. It was like they had become one person on that moment, two people welded together as one. It was like nothing he had ever experienced. But it was gone now; all that left was that feeling inside, and a strange numb sensation in his lips.

The closet was dead silent, except for the breaths of the venting Lily, and the occasional sighs of the heartbroken James. As he feared, they were back exactly where they started, except multiplied by ten. He loved her even more, and it would appear that she hated him even more. All it had taken was an immature boy pulling a level-headed girl into a closet, where they both lost their senses and now sat in the dark, silent.

Lily felt something hot and wet roll down her cheek, and there was a slight rustle as she quickly and angrily swiped the tear away. Lily Evans did _not_ cry. She clenched her jaw and screwed her eyes tightly shut. Why was this happening to her? James was a git! She hated him! One kiss surely couldn't change all that.

The darkness engulfed her, falling down heavily like some horrible blanket meant to smother her. Inhaling deeply, she swallowed her tears with a gulping noise. She felt so horrible. And yet, she didn't got to him. She didn't wrap her arms around him, or kiss him, or lay her head on his shoulder. She just sat there, frowning into the dark, fighting tears and all means of other unsavory emotions from reaching her face.

James heard Lily gulp. A gulp like that could only be resulted from one thing, crying. Was she crying? James had never seen Lily cry. His heart broke a bit more, not for himself, but for her. There's something that happens when a boy sees, or even hears the girl he loves cry, it kills them inside and they would do anything to make them stop, to make them better. That's exactly what was happening to James now, his heart reached out to her.

"Lily…" he said softly, reaching a hand over to touch her shoulder. "Lily are you okay?" He voiced this in a way which had a pleading sense to it, almost as if he were going to cry himself.

Her entire body tensed. "I'm fine." she said in a low voice that clearly said 'no, I'm not'. She mentally swore so badly a sailor would have blushed. She leaned away from him, pressing herself against the wall as much as was possible. It was in that moment Lily realized just why she was doing what she was doing: She was afraid. She was terrified of letting down the perfect front she'd kept up for so long. She'd very nearly let it down earlier, taking away her strong and independent image to let James see that, in reality, she wasn't perfect. She was weak, and couldn't handle her own emotions. She was terrified of the unexplainable, which was exactly what she was facing.

James felt her move away from his hand. He sighed and said in a bold, yet soft at the same time voice,

"Lily, it's just you and me here. You don't have to pretend for anyone. It's just you and me, Lily; it's just you and me." He repeated those words over, and over in hopes that it would some how come her down, or something. He wasn't sure what he was doing anymore, he just hoped that this would some how make her stop crying and make everything better.

"I'm fully aware it's just you and me." she growled. "If you hadn't noticed, you're the entire reason we're here alone together." she sighed angrily. His mantra of it just being the two of them was pounding into her head, and it was making her want more than ever to reach out and collapse into his arms. "I hate you." she snapped again, desperate to try to make the statement true again.

"Leave me alone," she whined, losing steam. She was fighting a losing battle at this point; James' pestering was working.

"Why are you fighting this? What have you got to lose?" James asked. When he thought about it, he couldn't see a reason behind her rejecting him. She obviously felt something, she had after all deliberately kissed him, and she was crying. So why was she persisting to push him away?

"I..." she began hotly, pausing to think. "I don't know, alright?!" she shrilled. "I don't know why! I just know I hate you and want you to sod off!" She didn't even sound entirely convinced herself. Now, she noted, she was furious with herself for letting him know about her confusion and how very upset he was making her. Perhaps she'd be able to do some sort of memory charm on him later to make him forget all of this mess.

James could now tell that she was using this "get away from me" technique as a way to hide how she felt, there were no real threats in anything she said. All he heard in her voice was a longing, a longing to be loved and held and treated like every girl should. So he did just that, he grabbed her and held her there, and held her tight because he knew she would try to struggle. The fact that he held her tight sent more of an "I care about you" vibe then it did a "I'm trying to smother you vibe." So he decided to stay just like that for as long as it took.

"Get the hell off of me!" she screamed, wriggling against his arms as if he were a murderer. "Get off!" she demanded again. These protests went on for several minutes, before Lily got tired, and realized that she was acting terribly unlike herself with all this anger and yelling. So she sat there, very stiffly, allowing herself to be held by him. At first, every thought in her mind was dark. She wanted to hurt something. But gradually, she began to notice the faint feeling of security and warmth in the dark, cool closet.

"You're a git." she muttered at him, sighing heavily, but relaxing a bit regardless.

"Yeah…I know." He responded. Once he felt that she wasn't going to try to escape, he loosened his grip a bit, and began once more stroking her hair.

He wondered what the expression on Sirius' or Remus' face would be if they suddenly opened the door to the closet, Sirius would probably yell and scream and whoop like an idiot, and Remus would probably smile and walk away shaking his head. If Lily and James ended up as a couple, would people be shocked? Or would everyone think "finally!" He thought these things as he sat there, holding Lily, feeling her breathe in, and breathe out again, her breaths slowly calming, becoming more serene.

She allowed him to stroke her hair at first. Only tolerating it. But as it progressed, somehow she couldn't help but lean against him a bit. Lily loved to have her hair fussed with; it was extremely relaxing. Shocked to find herself a bit drowsy even, she had to give her head a small shake to keep herself awake. "James. What are we going to do once we're out of this closet?" she asked, as if to try to make him see the problems she saw at the moment: The future.

"Well…" he said sighing, "That's up to you." which it was, he would of course be all for a relationship with her, in fact he hoped on it. "You know my answer." James said continuing to stroke her hair. "But don't worry about that now, once we get out of here, will figure out what to do. Right now, just focus on this."

"Procrastinator." she observed, but did as she was told. She slowly felt herself lean more and more against him, falling into his embrace. Staring into the dark, her mind raced, as always. Breathing down to a positively relaxed rate, she absently allowed her head to rest against his shoulder, the top of her head brushing his cheek. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything you want." James replied dreamily, he too was feeling a bit drowsy.

"Why do you always act like you do? Or is this all an act right now?" she asked, feeling her eyes droop and close. She'd just rest them for a moment, then. It wasn't good to strain them in the dark, after all, and she'd had an extremely stressful evening. Her breathing slowed further, becoming deeper and deeper with each breath.

James thought on this for a moment. He knew why he acted like he did, it was out of fear. But would he want to tell Lily this?

"This isn't an act, not at all." He stated, "When I act like a git, that's an act. Most of the time at least." he hesitated before continuing, "I guess I just act like that…because I get scared of what people will think about me. And if I put on an act, they can't hurt me, because it's not really me. If that makes any sense…" he finished, trailing off.

She nodded sleepily. "Perfect sense." she muttered, finding opening her eyes back up exceedingly difficult. In fact, the world itself seemed to be slipping away. The only thing that remained clear at all was James and his breathing. Subconsciously, she matched their breaths, head falling a bit more to the side. She tried to think up something to add to the conversation, but found herself rapidly losing motor functions. Within a few more moments, Lily had fallen asleep in his arms, and James was not far behind.


	7. Getting Out, Finding Out

James awoke the next morning to,

"Bloody hell! What the hell do you two think you're doing in my broom closet?"

Filch had obviously unlocked the door to find Lily and James snuggled up together sleeping. James stretched groggily, hardly aware of what was going on, he was not a morning person.

Lily, on the other hand, had awoken at him first touching the door. She was an extremely light sleeper. She had already gotten out of any terribly unchaste positions and was smoothing her hair. "Idiot here pulled me in," she said stiffly. "Before we could get out, you'd locked us in, and you somehow didn't hear me yelling for half an hour." she cast a scornful look at the groundskeeper, tossing a long red lock over her shoulder matter-of-factly. She got to her feet, smoothing her uniform out. "Now, if you'll please excuse me, I need to go rest in my own bed. Good day, Mr. Filch."

Lily was exceptional at weaving a story out of nearly nothing, and was rarely questioned. She pushed her way past the man, marching off.

James groggily muttered something about un-godly hours of the morning to Filch as he stumbled out of the broom closet. Once out, he realized where he was and woke up considerably.

"Uh…uh…yeah, whatever Lily said is exactly what happened." He stammered, nodding to Filch and walking away.

Where had Lily gone? She just left without so much as a goodbye? 'She's tired' James told himself, 'She'll come talk to me once she gets some rest.'

With that reassurance, he thanked God that it was Saturday and he could now go crawl into his bed and make up for the sleep he had lost throughout the night. But once he arrived at the portrait hole, said the password, and climbed in, the series of events the night before had completely hit him, and he doubted he could sleep. So instead he sat down next to a window, and decided to stay there until Lily came around.

Lily, sadly for James, wouldn't be getting around. Already in her dorm (she was quick on her feet, after all) and curled up safely in her bed, Lily had the curtains drawn, blankets concealing her from the world. It began to slowly sink in that she had not only kissed him of her own accord, but she'd fallen asleep in his arms to boot. Trembling lightly at the thought, she curled up a bit more. What was worse was... she felt oddly cold all of the sudden. The side of her head felt lacking, as his cheek wasn't there. Her arms and torso felt too light because a pair of arms weren't there.

Disturbed by such thoughts, the girl quickly shook them off. No. She didn't like James. He was her ultimate foe. Her polar opposite. Poking her head out of the blankets in order to get a cool, fresh breath of air, she quietly made a pact with herself: to ignore any irrational feelings she'd had that night and revert to normal. It was the only logical thing to do.

After all. There was no such thing as love, and you couldn't just suddenly be attracted to a person you hate.

Smiling uneasily at herself, Lily settled in and fell back into a dreamless sleep.

After about half an hour, James was starting to doubt that Lily would suddenly spring down the stairs and jump into his arms.

'She's fallen asleep.' James thought. He stood up from his chair by the window and stretched. He would just have to wait to see her at lunch. He decided to leave the dreary common room and go outside.

The halls were practically lifeless. Most students had obviously taken advantage of the weekend to sleep in. James walked a slow pace, thinking.

Once outside, the cold, early winter air swept around him making him shiver. He hadn't brought a coat, regardless he continued to walk.

Lily wouldn't reject him. Would she? Was she that cold-hearted?

'No.' James thought. 'Of course she's not.' But for some reason he wasn't completely assured.

He had wandered over to the lake, and sat down underneath the dying leaves of a willow. There was not much he could do anymore, either Lily loved him, or she didn't. He felt vulnerable. Lily could either heal his heart, or break it into another million little pieces as she had done so many times before.

Lily wasn't at any meals, or if she was she wasn't noticed by anyone, for several days, and the only time Mr. Potter would have glimpsed her was when she would flit by in the halls without a word, or sweep into classrooms in a flurry of red hair and sit as far as was possible from him. In a few instances, she would tell the Professor she wasn't feeling well and simply take her assignment and lesson with her and do it herself in places unknown.

In reality, she'd taken to hiding in a rarely used corner of the library. Of course, what she didn't know was James had a map that would disclose her location, no matter where she hid. She settled down against a shelf, knees up, providing her a platform with which to rest her charms textbook.

James had been giving Lily her space. He knew that she was avoiding him, obviously she was. He also knew where she went all the time, the library. He didn't exactly need the Marauder's map for that one; the library was Lily's safe haven. James had decided that she probably needed time to think, and that was fine with him. He waited and waited, for days on end, walking past the library as often as he could in hopes that she would come out and "bump" into him. But she never did. It had now been about a week, and he couldn't take it anymore.

As the lunch bell rang, James went against the crowd herding towards the great hall, and made his way to the library. Once out of the busy halls and into the quiet library, it was like he had entered a different world. A world where people were scared to speak above a whisper in fear of ruining the calmness of their surroundings. He walked past rows and rows of books, seeing only a few students as he passed. They all stared at him with wide eyes; they were not used to seeing James Potter in the library. He ignored them, he was here for Lily. While he searched around a corner, Irma Pince rushed up to him.

Irma Pince could be considered Goddess of the library. Even though she was in his year, James had never seen her out of the library. The only reason he even knew who she was was because he and Sirius had played quite a prank in the library several years previous, and Irma now hated him for it.

"Potter, I advise you to turn around and leave this instant." She whispered clutching several books in her arms.

"I'm not playing a prank, I'm looking for someone. Have you seen Lily Evans?" James said.

"Shhhh!" Irma quickly replied, and pointed over to an aisle with a glare in her eyes. She then seated herself at a table and propped a book up, though her eyes watched James' every move.

James made his way to the aisle where Irma had pointed, and sure enough, Lily sat tucked up in a corner, emerald eyes scanning the pages of a thick book.

Lily looked up at the loud shushing noise, her head popping up. The moment she caught sight of the pointing finger and messy black hair, the alarm was evident on her features. "Irma!" she yelped quietly. "How could you!!" she scrambled to her feet, glaring. She wasn't at all pleased that her hiding place had been found out. Grumbling to herself, muttering something about studying, she shoved her things unceremoniously into her bag, flinging it over her shoulder, before whirling down the isle and beginning to navigate the labyrinth that was the Hogwarts school library.

James groaned and walked briskly after her.

"Lily…" He said loudly, receiving another 'shh' from Ms. Pince.

"Lily, can we talk? Please?" He said in a much more quiet and desperate sounding voice.

She was silent for several moments, weaving through the shelves with practiced ease. After a bit more pleading, however, she said quietly, "Leave me alone, James." She slowed down after a while, losing her fury, sighing. She glanced at him over her shoulder, before returning to staring straight forward. "You shouldn't be here."

"Why shouldn't I be?" James asked.

"I think I have rights to an explanation." He didn't care that Irma was practically having a heart attack over the volume of his voice.

"You and I had…had…a moment," he wasn't quite sure what else to call it, "and now it's been a week with you avoiding me, without even telling me why!" He said desperately.

Lily was upon him in an instant, and one delicate hand flew over his mouth. "Will you be _quiet_?!" she hissed, before removing her hand. "We did _not_ have a moment. It was dark. We were tired. I was confused." Her eyes narrowed into a dangerous glare, but something deep in the depths was lit like a tiny flame. A little sparkle when her eyes met his. Regardless, her face was cold as she stepped away from him, body rigid. "I'm sorry you thought whatever you thought James, but you thought _wrong_."


	8. In Her Dust

James stood there. Stunned at first, then slowly a look of sadness swept over his face. How was he supposed to respond to that? She had just flat out told him that she didn't like him, though he still felt that little tug in his heart that she was lying. Regardless if she was or not, he had no power over it. So instead of persisting, he took one step back, dug his hands in his pockets, and walked away. He just walked away without another word, or so much of a glance at Lily. He strode over to the library door, flung it open, and retreated to the same spot by the lake where he had sat days previous.

It had finally struck him that begging and pleading and attempting to win Lily over wasn't going to work. Showing her that he was "a new man," wouldn't help at all. She either cared for him, or she didn't. There was absolutely nothing he could do about it.

Lily watched him leave, and something deep inside her heart willed him to turn back around as he walked away... to say something to her. To grab her by the shoulders and kiss her. Something, anything, other than looking so hurt like that and walking away without a word. Her lips parted slightly and she watched him until he disappeared from her sight. Shaken, Lily gulped a bit and smoothed her hair, before gathering her things again and returning to her previously inhabited corner and getting back to her lesson.

Still, something nagged at her and tugged at her chest and mind. That look he'd given her haunted the girl. That hurt, as if she'd just ripped away the world from under him. Indeed, it was troubling. So troubling that Ms. Evans, come one that morning, was still sitting in the Common Room, staring into the fire. She felt guilty, despite not being willing to admit she'd done something horribly wrong. She mentally cursed James for doing this to her... for making her question herself and shaking the very foundations on which she'd stood all these years. Sighing, she glanced to the grandfather clock across the room. 1:14am. And still not even remotely tired. Damn.

James was well aware that it was extremely past curfew. He was well aware and he didn't care. He had been haunting around the halls for quite some time now, not really wanting to return to the common room and have to lay in his bed, thoughts eating away at him. So instead he let them eat away at him as he strode around the castle.

He was now making his way back, grudgingly, to the Gryffindor Common Room.

Once through the portrait hole, and into the room, he spotted Lily, sitting in a chair gazing at the dying fire. The fire cast a yellow glow upon her, making her hair shine brightly, and her skin have a smooth parchment tint. James didn't know what to do besides stand there, he didn't want to have her see him sulk up the stairs, but he didn't exactly want to be standing here either.

Lily had uncanny hearing, so it was odd when she didn't immediately notice him. Still, it only took a few moments for the girl to get from her thoughts and look to him. What to say? Should she be quiet? No. She felt that she needed to say something soft and gentle, to perhaps soften the blow she'd inflicted earlier. Lily was sharp-tongued and critical, but not by any stretch of the imagination was she cruel.

Not on purpose, at any rate.

She cleared her throat. "Its late." she observed, her voice ringing due to the room's emptiness, despite talking quietly. "You should have been in bed hours ago."

"So should you." James retorted softly.

He still didn't move, for fear of her jumping out of her seat to yell at him again. So instead he stood there looking like an idiot, not like he really cared anymore, in her eyes he was already an idiot so it didn't really matter now did it?

She was silent for a while, just staring at him, before looking back into the fire. "Can't sleep." she muttered, drawing her pajamaed legs up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them, resting her chin on her knees. Startlingly red locks cascaded like spun blood over back and around her face.

"Did we have patrol tonight and I forgot?" she asked into the quiet of the room.

"Uh…no. I was just taking a walk." He said quietly, now fiddling with the hem of his shirt. He wanted to sit down and have a conversation, but he was certain she would shoo him away. He made a few steps towards the boy's staircase, seeing if she would try to stop him. If she didn't, he would go on up to bed.

She watched him edge away, absently chewing at her lower lip. She glanced down, staring at the floor. "James," she said suddenly. "Look... maybe I was..." she trailed off, searching her vocabulary for a good word."Harsh earlier. Too harsh. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings or anything." Lily mentally added an array of other comments, some including 'I'm scared about the fact I keep finding myself wanting to kiss you again' and 'I wish you wouldn't look at me like that'. Her pride kept her from saying any of it, though. She let her words hang in the air, glancing at him out of the corners of her eyes to study his reaction.

James rested one hand on the banister to the boy's dormitory. He let her words soak in a moment before responding.

"It's okay…I mean, you don't have to be apologizing. Its how you feel and you can't exactly change that…" James responded, he took a breath, and then added, "As much as I wish you could."

He slid his hand off the banister, and slowly stepped towards Lily's chair until he was in reaching distance to her, close enough to brush the softness of her cheek, or the sleekness of her hair, as he so desperately wanted to. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he quietly said,

"So you don't have to apologize."

Lily didn't look up, but she could hear him grow closer. Her breath caught in her chest, and she clutched her knees a bit closer to her chest, fighting away the blush that wanted to rise to her cheeks as he neared, and keeping herself from throwing her arms around him or something equally uncouth. Keeping her eyes firmly on the hearth, she could just see him approach and stick his hands in his pockets. She thought that, perhaps, she could even hear him breathing. It was maddening. She wanted to pounce and push him away all at once. "That look you gave me earlier certainly said different." she observed.

"Look?" James asked, sitting down in the nearest chair. He felt it safe that she wouldn't attack him with harsh words this moment. He stared directly at her, despite that she was inventively watching the fire. Willing her to cross the path of eye contact, hoping that somehow a spark would be born that would change her heart in some way.

"You looked like I'd just... I don't know, told you your mother was dead or something." she glanced up out of pure habit, and there was indeed a spark. She quickly glanced back down, tucking some hair behind her ear. This was excruciatingly awkward. The young woman was anxious, and she was slowly losing the battle of hiding it. "It made me feel really bad, I'll have you know."

"Oh…I wasn't trying to. I just…I don't know, don't think I'm trying to make you pity me or something, because I'm not. I just…care about you, that's all." James said leaning forward so that his elbows rested on his knees. He stretched his hands to where his fingertips were touching, and held that pose looking at the ground. Why had he all the sudden recently been one to spill his heart out to Lily? It was scary, because the wall that had been protecting him so to speak for so many years, had been broken down in the closet, and he now felt quite vulnerable.

"I know." she said with a sigh. She looked up and stared at the boy for a few moments, eyes trailing over his features and posture. She frowned. "Fabulous." she said stiffly. "I've made it worse." Unfurling her legs, she decided this was a bad idea. She needed to get away from him before she did something stupid and rash like she had in that bloody closet. Standing up, she tossed those characteristic red locks over her shoulders, straightening herself to look as official as was possible in pajamas. "I'm going to bed." she announced.

James stood up as she stood up. He knew that he had made a big deal over 'if this is how she feels, then there's nothing I can do about that,' but how could she deny that there wasn't something between them? That there wasn't something there?

"Lily…" James said, sternly, but his voice softened as he spoke the words "Do you _really_ want to go?"

This question was not simply proposing of her going to bed, it was asking her whether she once again wanted to walk away from him, leaving him bruised and broken in her dust.

She recoiled a bit, startled by this question. "No." she said softly, looking him in the eyes, before looking to her feet. It had just slipped out, really. She hadn't intended on letting him know that little fact. The girl began fussing with her hair again. It was a nervous habit, a release of sorts, to mess with her hair when under extreme stress. It was true. She didn't really want to leave. Deep in her heart, she wanted to fall into his arms and sleep with her head comfortably on his chest again. "But I can't." Lily continued, voice sounding almost weak and strained.

"Yes you can Lily." James said softly stepping towards her. He reached one hand up, and held her cheek in his palm, gently brushing her petite jaw line with his thumb.

"What do we have to lose?" He asked, letting his hand drop back at his side. The look in his eyes was more than just a longing, but a need. A need to be close to her, a need to hold her in his arms, a need to protect her. A need to give her the love that she needed, and so desperately wanted.

She felt that cold, empty feeling again when his hand left her cheek, and wanted to slap him for it. She gave a little shuddering sort of breath, before calming herself. "Everything." she said quietly. She trembled a bit, emotion coursing through her body. One that wasn't used to it. Composure was Lily's middle name, and she was losing it now.

James gazed at her, and he could tell she wanted to be with him just as much he wanted to be with her, but she had to admit it. He sighed deeply, and turned his back to her, walking towards the staircase. When she was ready to admit it, when she was ready to accept that "everything" was a small price to pay for love, then he would be there, waiting.

She watched him turn away, walk to the stairs. She very nearly ran to him to grab his hand and yell at him for just walking away like that, but she didn't. Instead, Lily got one of her first real doses of heartbreak from him. A sharp stab in her chest that proceeded to ache dully. In typical Lily fashion, she didn't allow such unhappy emotions to reach her face. Instead, she straightened up. "Goodnight, James." she said coldly, before walking up her own set of stairs and heading to bed without another word to him.

James didn't turn to see her walk away, he couldn't. He simply closed his eyes tightly as she wished him a goodnight, as if it physically pained him to hear her say that and he was bracing himself. He listened as her soft steps ventured up the stairs into the girls dormitory, until she was gone.

James sighed heavily, as he slowly heaved himself up the stairs. Lily was beginning to make him weary. He was physically tired from dealing with pang after pang of heartache, and he didn't know how much more he could take.

Once upstairs, he quietly crawled into his bed, not bothering to change into his pajamas. He closed the curtains around his bed, so that he was engulfed in darkness. As he lay there, he couldn't even think. All he could do was listen to the steady breathing of his roommates, and hope that he would eventually fall asleep.

Lily lay awake for what seemed like several hours, before finally dozing back off. She slept restlessly, and awoke tired the next morning, much later than usual. It was like a song she'd heard, she mused. How did it go? Oh yes. 'It wears her out, wears her out, wears her out'. If this was love -- which didn't exist, by the way -- she wasn't sure she wanted anything to do with it.


	9. Cat and Mouse

She decided she wouldn't avoid him anymore. She didn't want that hurt look again. No, she'd continue to go about her life as usual, she supposed. She headed down to breakfast, sitting in her usual spot, with her usual bagel (toasted with just a bit of butter; no jam or cream cheese, thanks) and her usual tea. Indeed. Normal. Well. Normal didn't generally involve her thoughts drifting to a messy-haired boy, but normal besides that...

James decided to skip breakfast altogether that morning. He had no appetite. So instead, he pretended to be in a deep sleep when his friends tried to wake him, and only moved from his bed when he was sure that they had gone.

Stumbling out of bed, he changed his clothes, grabbed his books, and headed out the door.

The halls were pretty vacant, seeing as everyone else was at breakfast. James walked slowly to his first class. Once he arrived, he had no intention of going in, so he slumped down beside the door and decided to sit there until the bell rang.

He breathed slowly, listening to the sound of his own breathing, thinking that he shouldn't be having to go through this right now. This should be the time in his life where he had fun, and experimented with other people, not being tied down to one. Right? Wrong. James wanted nothing more than to be tied down to Lily forever. He couldn't think of any other girl that even came close to her, because not one did. Lily was in fact, the perfect girl in James' mind. He couldn't come up with someone better if he tried.

Said 'perfect girl' happened to be walking down the hallway, and raised a brow when she noted the boy sitting outside. She stopped momentarily to gaze at him, feeling her heat pang and flutter, before heaving a huge sigh and recomposing herself. "James," she said sharply. "Class is still conducted inside of the classrooms, you know, and it's going to be very hard for you to hear a thing out here." With that, she tossed her head and marched inside, ignoring the urge to console him or cheer him in some fashion.

James could do nothing but follow her into the classroom, and take his normal seat at the back. He sat down, and leaned back in his chair. He rested one arm over the top of the chair, and the other resting on his leg. His eyes were unfocused, and he was staring at nothing in particular. His pose was modelesque, though he wasn't even aware of it. In fact, he wasn't aware of anything anymore. Everything seemed to be in a haze, except for the figure of Lily now sitting in the front of the room, she was crystal clear.

As the rest of the room began to filter in, the usual group of girls surrounded the area where James and Sirius sat. One particularly bold young lady by the name of Aretha Miles tossed several glossy dark curls and giggled femininely. "Why James," she crooned, batting her eyes. "You're looking particularly handsome today."

It was lucky Lily's hands were in her lap where no one else could see them, because at the words she felt her hands involuntarily clench into fists. Her face, originally serene, took on a sort of angry, set look. Taking a deep, somewhat shuddering breath, the young woman quickly began to scribble things down on the parchment before her, despite class not having started yet.

James didn't pay much attention to Aretha's compliment; he simply smiled to be nice, and then returned to staring darkly at Lily, who was now taking notes despite that class had not yet begun. He ignored as Aretha giggled and swooned in response to James' simple smile, and was thankful that Lily was nothing like that. Maybe that's why he was so crazy about her; because she wasn't like any other girl Hogwarts had to offer. She marched to the beat of a different drummer, and James couldn't get the beat out of his head.

Aretha proceeded to flirt shamelessly with the uninterested boy, and Lily felt an angry bubbling sensation grow in the pit of her stomach. Jealousy. She didn't know why, but she wanted to slap the girl and tell her to lay off. Couldn't she see he didn't like her? It was nauseating. So much so that, less than a minute after class had begun, Lily rose her hand. Professor Binns looked to her. "Ms. Evans?"

"Sir. I'm not feeling well. May I be excused?"

He surveyed her, before nodding. "Very well, Ms. Evans." After saying thanks and gathering her things, Lily left the room (skipping class; James was a horrible influence.) and walked up to the tower, stretching out on the couch and trying to drown out the annoying din of Aretha's voice that continued through her head.

Wretch.

Perhaps she'd been a bit rash in simply leaving class, but it hadn't been like she could actually listen. Her eyes fell onto the chairs where she and James had sat the night before. James. What was she to do about him? She certainly couldn't keep this up much longer or else she'd go mad...

James kept his eyes on his desk at Lily practically ran by. He didn't need to make eye contact with her to know that she was livid over something. Part of him wanted to get up and run after her, and he almost did just that, but another part was reminded of the harsh things she had said recently, so he remained in his seat.

"What's wrong with her?" Aretha asked, scoffing.

James cast her a cold, hard glare, and she shut up immediately and turned around in her chair.

James spent the rest of class staring at Lily's empty chair.

Lily was, honestly, surprised when James didn't show up after her. He'd always found excuses to follow her around like some lost puppy every other time she'd left class. Feeling exceptionally hurt and angry, she marched upstairs to hide beneath her covers and huff for a while. How dare he play with her heart like this! That git! She'd kill him when she saw him next.

No, she thought. She wouldn't. Didn't have the heart to. Damn.

She glanced at the clock again, and went to the next class, making a point to utterly ignore James as best she could for the remainder of the day. Two could play at that game.

The bell rang, signaling that James must now head to his next class. Once he walked out the door, he didn't feel like going. James had no problem skiving class, so instead of turning left, the way potions, he decided to go right, to take shelter in the one place he knew that no one would look for him. The library.

James couldn't help but smile as he walked through the Library doors. He imagined the look on Sirius, or Remus' face if they knew that he had gone to the library twice in one week.

He strolled through the vast room, looking for somewhere to sit. He spotted Irma Pince haunting a nearby aisle, and decided it would be best to not get caught up in another little chat with her. So making a left into the closest aisle, he found himself in the section of books labeled "Quidditch and Flying." Perfect. He grabbed a book off the shelf that was about improving Chaser techniques, and snuggled down into a corner. He stared at the words on the page, not really taking any of them in. His mind was not on Quidditch, but instead on Lily.

Meanwhile, the redhead was positively furious about having been ignored for such a long time. She was used to him being annoyingly present everywhere she went. Always trailing behind her or staring at her or doing something stupid. Livid, she went to dinner, nibbled at her food, and went to the library to get some homework done.

Truly, Hell had no fury like an angry Lily Evans.

Storming into the spacious area, she dumped her things unceremoniously onto the table and began work, scratching down answers with vigor. It was only when she glanced up for a thought that she noted the boy in the aisle before her. No.

Getting up, she swept over to him. "What the bloody hell are you doing here?!" she hissed.

Meanwhile, the redhead was positively furious about having been ignored for such a long time. She was used to him being annoyingly present everywhere she went. Always trailing behind her or staring at her or doing something stupid. Livid, she went to dinner, nibbled at her food, and went to the library to get some homework done.

Truly, Hell had no fury like an angry Lily Evans.

Storming into the spacious area, she dumped her things unceremoniously onto the table and began work, scratching down answers with vigor. It was only when she glanced up for a thought that she noted the boy in the aisle before her. No.

Getting up, she swept over to him. "What the bloody hell are you doing here?!" she hissed.

"Reading?" James phrased this as a question, not a statement. Truth be told, he didn't exactly know what he was doing here. He just wanted to get away, and it seemed that the problem had now followed him here as well. Not that he really minded, he did enjoy being in the presence of Lily, even if she was yelling at him in a library.

He glanced up into her eyes, which were livid. She looked as if he had stumbled into her territory, where he was not allowed to go. He slowly put the book back in its place, and stood up. Despite that he was now several inches taller than her, she still looked just as angry and menacing.

Lily's lips were thin and nearly white with rage. "How can you just... just sit there like that?!" she shrilled as quietly as she could. She stood there for several moments, before letting out an angry little noise and throwing her hands up. "I don't understand you at _all_!" she proclaimed loudly enough that a 'SHHHH!!' came from Irma a few rows over. Lily turned around, muttering to herself.

"You know what, forget it." she said. "Just forget it." She shoved her work back into the worn messenger bag she'd had for the last few years, slipping the strap over her shoulders.

"Lily, what exactly would you rather have me do?" James asked, an irritation growing in his voice. _She_ didn't understand _him_? Yeah right, try it the other way around and it made much more sense. He wasn't finished with that last sentence, he had more to say.

"Because I'm trying Lily, I'm trying but I just don't know what you want from me." His voice was increasing in volume, but he ignored the pleas coming from Irma on the other side of the room.

"Just tell me what you want me to do!" And he was done. This sentence seemed to take energy out of him, so he leaned back against the wall, staring at Lily with pleading eyes.

"Being quiet would be nice, for starters." she growled. She cast a wary glance around the library, before putting her things down and walking back towards him, stopping roughly a foot away, glaring with fire into his eyes. "What I want you to do," she said in a low voice. "Is to quit making me want pull my hair out every time I see you. I want you to quit building me up only to drop me again, like some cat playing with a mouse." she was almost whispering to avoid gaining Irma's attention.

Lily reached up, twisted her fingers into his hair to forcibly bring his face down. She kissed him hard, but only for a moment, before pushing him away, grabbing her things, and walking out of the library with her head held high and a cross expression on her face.

James stood there, completely stunned. Once he regained consciousness, he ran out the door after her.

"What was that?" James called. She was walking briskly away up the hall. How could she think that he was building her up, only to drop again, when really it was the other way around? James was the mouse, Lily was the cat. How could she think otherwise?

"Payback." she called over her shoulder, shaking her hair out of her face and smirking a bit to herself. Evil? Perhaps. It had certainly made her feel worlds better. Relishing in his confusion and upset, Lily didn't bother to turn around. She could visualize his face in her head. Eyes wide, hair messier than usual from where she'd grabbed it, perhaps his glasses even askew. And his mouth was bound to be positively gaping. Marvelous.


	10. Moment Of Truth

What the hell was she thinking? Doing that to him was horrible, it was downright cruel. After standing in the middle of the hallway for several moments, James finally went back into the library to grab his books.

Now where was he to go? He still had a whole day of classes ahead of him that he didn't feel like attending. He did the only logical thing he could, crawl into bed. And he stayed there, lying in bed, thinking about Lily, about that kiss. What the hell was she thinking?

Lily, on the other hand, went to her classes for the day. She mentally slapped herself several times for her actions once she reached the conclusion it had been an exceedingly stupid thing to do. Harping at him had been fine; she'd had every right to. But that kiss? Bad idea. This, she mused, was why she so disliked emotions. This was the sort of trouble they caused. Indeed, you were far better off without them.

She considered going to him to apologize, but decided it a bad idea. He probably thought she was absolutely insane now and wanted nothing more to do with her.

It had been bound to happen, she supposed. Better now than later. She considered going to Remus and asking his input on the situation, but decided against it. He'd be cross she hadn't already told him about it, and it increased the risk of it getting around to the rest of the school. No, this was a battle she'd have to fight herself.

James was running towards Lily, and she was running towards him. She was screaming about how sorry she was, about how she never meant to hurt him.

"I'm the one that should be sorry." James said somberly once he reached Lily and now held her in his arms. She rested her head against his chest, and James was certain that she was listening to the rapid beating of his heart. Being in her presence was causing it to slow somehow, something about her always calmed him, making his heart beat at a steady pace.

James took his hand, and placed it under Lily's delicate chin, slowly lifting her head up so that his eyes met hers. He gazed into those emerald windows, which looked straight into what she was feeling. James saw nothing but love, admiration, and desire in those eyes.

"I love you Lily." He said, barely above a whisper. He then lifted her head slightly further, and lowered his down to meet hers. He closed his eyes, and with one last glance at her shockingly green eyes, he places his lips upon hers in a tender, gentle kiss. Lily began to kiss him passionately, digging her hands into his already violently messy hair. She pushed him towards the ground, and he obeyed, not daring to go against what this fiery red-head wished.

James held her tightly as she lay next to him. Their kiss was full of a passionate innocence, that James didn't even knew existed.

It was then that James rolled over with Lily, and began to fall. Lily was no longer in his arms, her lips no longer with his. She was gone.

James hit the floor, and woke up instantly.

It was a dream.

"Bloody hell…" He murmured as he rubbed his head which had struck the floor. He slowly stood up, thankful that there was no one else in the room to see him. With a look outside at the dying sunlight, he realized that it was probably dinner time. He walked into the bathroom, removed his glasses, and turned on the cold water. It took three handfuls of water to help him regain complete consciousness.

He tightly gripped both sides of the sink, water cascading off his ebony hair. He glanced up to see his blurred reflection in the mirror. He couldn't take this anymore; Lily was driving him utterly mad.

Lily, oblivious to what extreme plight she was causing him, halfheartedly stirred at her soup at dinner. He'd been gone all day. She felt just dreadful about it all. He'd taken her words and actions harder than she'd thought he would, apparently. Deciding she wasn't hungry, she pushed her bowl away, and got up, debating her options.

Well, she could go and find him and try to explain herself, but she strongly doubted he wanted to so much as hear the mention of her name at the moment.

On the other, she didn't feel like she could just leave him alone, as the thought of him was gnawing annoyingly at her and driving her up a wall.

Well. There was always sulking around the school until she made up her mind on exactly what to do. Indeed, that sounded like a good course of action at the moment.

Once dried off and out of the bathroom, James stood in the Common Room debating whether to go down for dinner or not. He was extremely hungry, having not eaten anything all day, but he didn't want to run into Lily after what she'd done. She obviously didn't mind toying with his emotions and playing with his mind, so why should he give her the time of day? After thinking this, James felt a wave of guilt crash over him. He couldn't ignore her, he couldn't even be angry with her. Love just didn't work like that.

Eventually, James' stomach won out, and he headed down for dinner. James turned the corner, making his way towards the Great Hall, but guess who he saw already coming out? Lily, with a broken look on her face. James immediately felt sympathetic, immediately wanted to run to her and comfort her, because in his mind this was all somehow his fault.

Lily glanced up and felt her heart skip a beat. Apparently fate had made up her mind for her. Her lips parted slightly as she drew a sharp breath, feeling her toes curl a bit in her shoes as her eyes met his. She gulped lightly. "James." she said quietly to acknowledge him. Her gaze fell to her feet and she began to toy with her hair, as always. "Listen. I'm really sorry... I shouldn't have..." she tried to string words together, but found it very difficult. She sighed, smiling weakly at her incompetence. "I acted rashly today. I'm sorry." There. Good enough.

"Erm... have a nice dinner..." she added, starting to walk his way, being sure to stay on her side of the hallway."Remus and the others were looking for you earlier. They're still eating, so you should catch them..." She began to quicken her pace. She needed to leave him alone and quit pestering him.

James ignored her comment about friends and food, they were unimportant to him right now. He had a question on his mind, and he wasn't going to let Lily walk away without answering it.

"Lily…" He softly called after her. "What's…what's going on?" He asked, his facial expression was one of a little boy who had just had his new bike crushed, and needed an explanation.

He wanted to walk towards her, but he was scared she would start yelling. So he stood his ground. The gap between them seemed like miles, and the urge to close it was almost unbearable.

"Excuse me?" she said at first, looking at him with a cocked brow. Curious. Replaying his words, she ran a hand through her hair and searched the ground, as if it would supply her with an answer. "I was going to go do some homework, and then head down to the dungeons to work on potions, I suppose..." she said quickly.

He didn't appear angry. Upset, rather. She thought she'd have preferred him look angry as opposed to this look he was giving her now. It shook her, and she wanted to console him and make it go away. "You?"

"That's not what I meant." He said simply. "I mean, what's going on between us?" His voice became strained as he posed the last question. How could she possibly ignore the tension between them? It was so obvious that only one thing would make that tension simply disappear.

Lily sighed. Damn. There was no beating around the bush with this boy, was there? "James, to be perfectly honest, I don't know." she sighed. "Walk with me? I don't think it a particularly good idea for us to give half the school heart attacks by walking in together, discussing 'us'." She gazed at him expectantly. Moment of truth. If he were truly angry with her, he'd decline and go eat dinner with his friends. If he wasn't too upset, he'd walk with her until they figured this out.

James followed her, like a lost puppy. He didn't know where they were walking, and he didn't care. He was simply there with her, and that was more than enough for him. He decided to leave it up to her to start explaining all that was going on, so he stayed quiet.

He looked straight ahead as they walked, but often stealing glances at her out of the corner of his eye, trying to see if he could read what was going on inside her head. He desperately wanted her to say that she had come to realize her love for him, obviously, but even more than that, he wanted her to say what she really felt, and if that was that she didn't love him, then so be it.

Moment of truth indeed.


	11. Shots Not Taken

**Starving for Truth**

**Authors' Notes: **Greetings and salutations. As Katiecakes is still snoozing at this hour, I suppose I'll go ahead and get this up, and she can throw anything she wants in later. For the moment, this is Taylor speaking. Firstly, I'd like to thank you guys majorly for all the reviews. When we posted this, we had no idea how popular it would be, and your reviews have really been the bright patches in our days. Please keep it up! Nextly, there WILL be a sequel to this fic. We've already started writing it, in fact. Prepare for even more emotions flying, kittens, angry redheads, frightened boyfriends, and all means of other crazy things.

In the mean time, I thought up a fabulous idea to give you a little peek into how my and Katie's minds work. In your reviews, please put in a vote for a chapter you'd like us to sit down and MST. What's MST, you ask? It's a show that used to be on Sci-fi, where these three guys (well. one guy, two robots, actually) would sit down and throw in comments while watching movies. This will be the bonus chapter for this fic.

In the sequel, there will be more review-based contests and polls like this one, so don't forget to keep reviewing! And now, without futher ado, I present the final chapter to Starving for Truth!

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"I won't lie, James. You've got me very confused." Lily began, turning a random hall and wandering down it. She, in all honesty, didn't know where they were going either. "Just when I've gotten you figured out, you do something to make my world spin again. And frankly, I've never liked being dizzy." she was remarkably calm, though her mind was going wild.

"You're driving me up a wall, and yet you're like some flame that keeps drawing me in. I keep burning myself one way or another, and yet I can't keep away. I'm going mad." Another turn, a small stairwell, another corridor. Her voice was growing gradually more passionate. "And I don't know why I can't stay away from you, no matter how much I want to. I don't have any control over myself, James. Not ever since you pulled me into that horrible closet and kissed me and..." she paused; face getting a red tinge in mild anger. "And I hate you but I don't all at the same time and I can't stand it but I want it to never end all at once and it's entirely your fault! I want to throttle you but I can't because I'm too preoccupied with your bloody eyes!"

The words that Lily spoke made James' heart swell, they gave him hope.

"So why are you trying to fight it?" James asked sincerely, he didn't understand what she had to lose being with him. If the two of them were together, things would be so much simpler, things would make sense.

She gave a weak smile, like one gives to a child who doesn't understand something important. "Because, James," she said looking down and shaking her head. "I want it too much." As if that explained everything going through her mind at once. "Because I want it too much, and because every logical voice in my head is screaming no. Because it's all too simple to possibly work." She let out a pained, ironic little laugh. "That's why."

"Some things don't have to be logical Lily. Some things just are. Take the sky for example…" James said as he now pushed open a door which led to the grounds. He gestured up at the sky before going on, "It's blue. It could be any other color, but it's blue. Not green, not yellow, and not purple. But blue. It just is." James said, hoping this would somehow make sense to Lily.

"If you feel something, then you shouldn't have to hide it. Would us being together make you happy?" He asked.

"The sky is blue because of molecules and light refraction." she countered, leaning against the nearest wall and folding her arms over her chest. His words hit her slowly. Being together. Happy. Merlin. They were sort of an item, weren't they?! She certainly never thought she'd be dealing with this. She couldn't lie, but she didn't want to just say 'yes' either. Well, actually she did, but she had self restraint.

"Maybe. I don't know. A lot of kids think eating an entire Halloween haul of candy will make them happy until they're still sick from it two days later." Well. That sidestepped the question rather well, she thought.

That last comment struck James quite hard, being compared to something as un-important as Halloween candy. He sighed, and glanced at the sky. Molecules and light reflection, of course Lily had something to say to make everything he said completely wrong.

"Lily…I'm tired of fighting you on this. Maybe we should just have it your way." He spoke the words softly and slowly. Saying this pained him, but he couldn't go on with this back and forth game forever.

An alarmed look came onto her face and she quickly got to full height. "What way is that?" she demanded, before perching her hands on her hips. "Really James, this is a side of you I've never seen and don't think I find terribly attractive. Since when has James Potter ever given up on anything, most especially when it concerns me? Mr. 'I-think-it's-a-BRILLIANT-idea-to-stalk-that-redhead-over-there-until-she-agrees-to-date-me'." She crossed her arms over her chest again.

"You're probably doing this on purpose," she thought aloud, looking him up and down with a look that said 'I can't believe this'. "Just to rile me up."

"Lily, I can't keep playing this game where you act like you like me one minute, and the next you hate me. I can't take it anymore. I don't know if you realize this, but I care about you a lot more than you think, and it bloody hurts me to sit around and wait forever just to hear you say that it's not logical!"

There. He had said it; maybe Lily would take something from it.

"So if you're going to just turn me down again, think about it long and hard and make sure it's your final answer. Because I can't wait around forever Lily."  
James finished, leaning up against the wall and sighing. He didn't want Lily to take what he had said to offense, he wanted her to realize that she needed him.

"There is no act to it, James." she said coldly, looking injured. "I do like you, and I hate you too. You've liked me the whole time. I, on the other hand, have loathed you since age eleven. It's extremely hard to just go back all of the sudden and say 'oh, never mind what's considered a vital, engrained part of who I am. He's a nice boy!' Maybe this is all black and white for you, James, but it's completely gray for me." she fixed him with a serious gaze.

"And I'm sorry I'm hurting you, I really am, but this is hurting me too, and you don't seem to realize that!" She looked somewhere near tears. Lily went and leaned against the wall, a comfortable foot or two away, and looked at him. "I don't want to keep doing this James. I just... I don't know." she too heaved a sigh. "Just... don't leave. Please."

James stared at her, her eyes looked less sparkly, they made James want to make her laugh, so he could see them shine.

"I'm not going anywhere Lily." James said quietly. He than sat down, back leaning against the wall, as if this would prove his point. He gazed at her soft red hair, perfect nose, and amazing lips. 'Yes this may be hurting her,' James thought, 'but it's killing me.'

He would wait until she felt like speaking; he would sit patiently and wait. When she did speak, he would listen, and accept whatever she said, no matter if it was hurtful or otherwise. In the back of his mind, James made a note that if she turned him down again, he would stop pursuing her altogether, and simply give up.

Lily sat down next to him and soaked in the quiet, glad that he'd at least stay put. She thought for at least five minutes. Five excruciatingly long minutes. She considered most every scenario she could, every outcome, compared the situation to anything she could think of, before she reached her conclusion. She glanced at James, before leaning over and laying her head on his shoulder.

"I think... that I want to at least try. You miss all of the shots you don't take." she said it very quietly, staring at the stones of the wall straight in front of her, but enjoying a soft glow that lit itself in her chest.

James wasn't prepared for this, but he didn't object to it in the slightest. He let her rest her head on his shoulder for a moment, soaking it all in. He then placed his arm around her and held her close to him, never wanting to let her go.

"I'm all for trying." James said softly, giving Lily a gentle squeeze.

He had felt frozen for so long, but now, at this very moment, he began to thaw. All because this girl had rested her head on his shoulder, giving her will to try. He let a grin slip, that grin turned into a smile, a huge smile. Good thing Lily couldn't see, or else she would have thought he was crazy.

One delicate hand wandered for a few moments, before she found his free hand and laced her fingers with his. A very genuine smile crossed her own features, and shifting until she was comfortable, she closed her eyes and sighed happily. Oh yes. Good choice.

"Thanks for putting up with me, James." she muttered.

"Thanks for putting up with me." James replied. Glancing at her hand held in his, he felt his heart swell even more; surely it would burst any moment now. Deep inside he was scared that Lily could change her mind at any minute, causing him to go through heartache all over again. But right now, he was completely content. There was no place in the world he would rather be, than sitting against a wall with her held in his arms.


End file.
